I thought it all…
I thought of choosing aggression over stillness…
I thought of restricting every possible way of your accessibility to me…
I thought that you will think about what went wrong and it will make questions pop into your head…
You will think of it once,
And you will think it twice,
And you are going to think it thrice,
And then…
You may never think about it again.
Never again until in 7 months when you come across one of our group photos together
You will wonder what went wrong, and you will think: maybe she couldn’t make peace with the idea,
You will think it again in 10 months and realize: she was weaker than the feeling, and the impact of every time she sees me…
I may be an over-thinker, but everything falls just in place,
My overthinking makes my things go just right,
Every decision I take based on my overthinking will be a part of who am I choosing to be,
And I'm tired, by feeling every ache extra today,
It may have crawled into my head,
And into my heart,
That made you crawl into the feelings too,
You should have never come back, and you should have never entered the picture if you were never willing to stay.
But it kills me with the familiarity of you,
me knowing you,
and how you were never lustful,
It kills me that I misread you,
It kills me I have poured so much into your pot,
It devoured all of my accumulated emotions with a smile, and vanished in the void,
Now I’m searching for my soul in the nothingness,
The heaviness hits from time to another, and nothing changes except my ups and downs,
You’re still so still, and looks like you always knew,
But my naiveness never did,
You were smiling but I was laughing,
You were looking but I was drowning,
I misread and maybe for the first time,
Lingering to memories I can’t even remember, but thought I digested,
How lost am I?
Who am I talking to?
Why did I walk home with a stranger?
Not the distractions again,
You can’t be the distraction from, after you were the distraction itself,
Is it you or is it me?